I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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