I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
