I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
