is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had to coat check the pizza.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
