He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
