words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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