you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
