either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had to cum in my sink.
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