The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
