i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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