he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
