help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
