If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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