Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
