It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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