dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
