What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
