I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
