youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
