I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize