This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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