whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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