I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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