You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
