She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
