I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
