She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
