we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The air taste purple.
Randomize
