1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i love accidental penises.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
