and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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