tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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