I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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