Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
