I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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