Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
