The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
