As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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