And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
