couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im part way to drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
