The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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