Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When are your genitals available?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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