Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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