I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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