Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
