Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
