he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
