I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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