Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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