ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
