Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
