i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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