he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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