Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
