You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
