so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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