Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
