Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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