Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize