So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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