this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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