sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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