he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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