Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
