my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
