Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
