OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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