genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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