Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
