Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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