I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
