That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
