id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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