I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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