ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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