i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
