i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
