Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i will never coherently bang her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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