"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
