yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
