im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
